Duties of a Best Man in Wedding Preparation

One of the highest honours a man can receive is to be invited to serve as the Best Man at a friend's wedding. You're probably wondering why this is happening to you. Because he has witnessed your repeated failures firsthand. He has seen you at your worst, and yet he still wants you there with him on the biggest day of his life. Whoa. The pressing issue now is, obviously, how to avoid messing up the situation.

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My first entry on Secret Wedding Blog is all about my duties as best man. When this idea finally hit me, I knew exactly who to consult. I'm Andrew Mills; I emigrated from the UK and am now establishing myself in Melbourne. As one of Mark's closest companions, I decided to do an online interview with Andrew and ask him a few questions.

As promised, this week on Bridal Musings is dedicated to the grooms.

After yesterday's guide to the perfect suit for the groom, today we'll focus on the best man.

It's not easy to figure out how to ask a man to be his best man, especially since we're men. In general, men prefer to avoid such questions and wait until the last minute to enquire about them. Now the smiling bride-to-be walks in, and with her persistent prodding, the awkward question finally arises.

So that you may be the best Best Man ever, we've put together some advice. However, our resources are limited. The next steps are up to you.

WHAT THE BEST MAN TRADITIONALLY PAYS FOR

1. Bach­e­lor par­ty
2. Wed­ding day attire
3. Wedding Present

HOW OFTEN AND WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN INVITED TO SERVE AS THE BEST MAN AT A WEDDING?

I've had the honour of being joint best man twice, and my third will be in Sheffield next August. The first one happened in Cyprus last July, and the second one happened in Cornwall, Lawries style, in September. I flew back to the United States from Australia for both of them, and I have yet to get compensated for my airfare.

Being asked to be the best man is a high honour, signifying that the groom thinks highly of you as a friend, a reliable person, a trustworthy person, a dapper dresser, and, most importantly, a good time.

THE FEAR

There are several layers of resistance to asking for help. However, unlike the marriage proposal, in which the fear of rejection plays a central role, asking your best buddy to be your best man raises concerns that you may appear overly sentimental, especially if your strong friendship is founded on a manly lack of emotional expression on both sides.

PRIOR TO THE NUPTIALS

A HELPING HAND FOR THE GROOM

The best man's responsibility is to support the groom during the wedding preparation process. There will be times when he has to get away from the house, vent, or get assistance putting together floral arrangements because things will get hectic at his home.

IN WHAT TIME FRAME DO YOU BEGIN WORKING ON THE SPEECH?

What, you actually want the truth? The first one, I'm pretty sure I started right after I got the call. It's safe to say that I was ecstatic. In an effort to document as much as possible, I wrote a 4-page tirade directed at the groom. Most ideas appear early on, but adjusting and arranging them so that the entire audience can participate is a constant process.

However, there is a heavy burden associated with sitting at the head of the table.

You need to be there for the groom (and the bride) at every turn, from helping him pick out a suit to writing his speech to doing all in your power to ensure that the exchange of wedding bands goes off without a hitch.

This isn't like when brides traditionally ask their friends to join the bridal party months in advance. In contrast, you probably already have a group of close friends that you'd be happy to spend time with in a crisis, though it's not always clear which one of them you'll choose. Don't stress out over your fiance's wedding party; instead, put your energy into planning your own ceremony and inviting the most important men in your life to be by your side on your special day.

Whatever the case may be, always be ready to lend a hand to your friend in his time of need. Help him maintain his sanity and make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch. Also, this is not the time to criticise his new wife in his presence. It's okay for him to be a bother, but you can't do it. Take it easy and nod your head while you listen.

I find it helpful to run over my speech the night before with a group of friends and get their feedback on whether or not they think it's all there. After hearing, "It's not very humorous," I invited others to join in and receive some jokes. I can't take all the credit for my "sh*t joke," but that last one went over really well, so cheers, guys!

Being an average best man is fine, but how about setting a new record for excellence?

Don't worry, we've got you covered! If you follow our top 10 guidelines, your friends will be vying to make you best man.

The most intimate male friends in our lives are still reluctant to be asked to be witnesses at our wedding because of some irrational sense of obligation. There is no one right way to ask someone to be the best man; rather, it all relies on the character of the one doing the asking and the nature of the person being asked.

ATTEND SUIT FITTING 

If necessary, you should go get fitted for a suit. This isn't necessary if he decides to use online rental services, but if he doesn't, you'll need to be there while the bride isn't to make decisions. You'll also need to be in tip-top shape, of course. Possessing the skills to get fitted, deal with errors with grace, and return on schedule.

AS THE BEST MAN, WHAT WERE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES?

Getting people to their seats and showing them where to go weren't the hardest of the many responsibilities that came with helping administer the event. One's unspoken responsibility, I believe, is to keep the party lively and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves.

The only major task you have before the wedding is to plan the bachelor party or stag night, whereas the bridesmaids have dress fittings, hair trials, and DIY crafternoons to worry about.

THE PERSON TO CONSULT

People usually hang out with those who share their temperament or personality traits. However, I won't elaborate because that would turn this into a book about psychology rather than a guide for grooms. This is not always the case, of course.

GROOMSMEN IN CHARGE

Groomsmen rank in order of importance, with the Best Man at the top. The best man expects you to organise and communicate with the rest of the wedding party. Your duties as best man include keeping the other groomsmen in check and preventing any mayhem before, during, or after the wedding.

DO YOU REMEMBER ANY TIMES WHEN YOU, AS BEST MAN, HAD TO FIND SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS?

It happened at Lawrie's, where the groom was accidentally tossed into the pool during the reception, prompting me to go to his room and retrieve dry attire. Even if it was my fault, this is still a problem. The temperature outside Harry's was 40 degrees, and everyone was wearing light blue shirts—thanks, mate. A solution suggested was to consume more liquids.

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If you want to throw a great bachelor party, don't follow the crowd; instead, make it all about the groom.

So, while a brazen, self-assured guy might just tell his shy pal that he has to be in the wedding, a shy, timid guy might have a hard time approaching his more dominant pal to ask him to be the best man. It's possible that the dynamic would be very different if it were your brother. Follow your instincts.

THE BACHELOR PARTY

The groom's best man and the other groomsmen are responsible for organising the bachelor party. For the sake of everyone involved, it's ideal to plan this rite of passage in the most organised and flexible manner possible. Some suggestions for throwing a bachelor party are as follows.

HOW SHAKEN UP WERE YOU BEFORE YOU GAVE THE SPEECH?

For a straight response, just brick it. I remember being so anxious about my first wedding that I barely had time to eat or drink anything in the hours leading up to the ceremony. Having to deliver two speeches at once was daunting, but I think that factor alone got me through.

Pub crawls, strip clubs, and making the groom participate in uncomfortable costumes, dares, and challenges are all fair game if the groom is the adventurous type.

A wedding is a momentous occasion, so the question, in whatever form it takes, may not have come easily. We men have a certain way of talking to each other that only a select few women are aware to. You may call it a sixth sense.

Avoid breaking the basic guidelines. Even if you want to have a good time, you should think about what the groom and bride would like to do before making plans to spend the night at a bunch of strip joints. You can surprise the groom if you like, but make sure to get his input on what he thinks would be fun and what he considers to be out of bounds. If he is afraid of heights, don't take him skydiving.

For the second one, I was the only one talking, so everyone turned to watch me. I overindulged, drank excessively, and put on an air of swaggering self-assurance (a tall order when the groom is a stand-up comedian and the father of the bride has spent the past quarter-century in the public-speaking business) during the wedding. I'm praying the following one goes smoothly.

Alternatively, he might enjoy a camping vacation, a surfing weekend, a night at the casino, or even simply a few beers at your local watering hole.

When a stunning woman enters a room, for instance, we usually know exactly what each other is thinking. Then there are the fleeting movements we make across a packed room, trying to gauge where we are or identify our favourites among the crowd, gestures that no one else may comprehend or even notice. And then there are team sports.

Correct timing is crucial. Choose a weekend when most people are available to attend, and arrange your evening accordingly, keeping in mind that not everything can go as expected.

WHAT LENGTH OF SPEECH DO YOU THINK A BEST MAN SHOULD GIVE AT A WEDDING?

A maximum of 10 minutes. You could converse to this person for much longer than usual because they are close to you, but keep in mind that the bar is always open.

Even if your groom isn't the fleeing kind, he may be too emotional to make it through the ceremony.

In this situation, we all have the innate ability to make a blind pass or shoot to a friend, knowing without a doubt that he is there (some more than others). Because of these factors, we tend to avoid discussing matters of vital importance.

Don't go above your allotted budget. It is also important to think about the attendees' budgets. Even if not everyone can afford the out-of-state journey, it's important to invite the groom's closest friends and family. Although the groomsmen are expected to foot the bill for the bachelor party, you are not expected to pay for the groom's share of the festivities. Discuss your budgets and decide which optional extras you can afford.

WHICH CRITERIA MUST BE INCLUDED?

• Here is your chance to humiliate the best man by tearing him to pieces.
• It's polite to acknowledge the bride and her attendants.
• Thank everyone who deserves it who hasn't previously been thanked.
• Tell some tales (hopefully to get a few laughs).
• Kind words from the heart are always appreciated.
• And then we'll toast to the conclusion.
• Simple

He must be overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a husband, but the wedding planning process gives him the willies.

Ask how he's doing, and give him time and space to talk about how he feels.

CAPTURING HIS THOUGHTS

We take it for granted that our pal understands us completely. Since we are men, after all. However, sometimes this doesn't work (blame poor connections if you like), and then we have to resort to really writing down what we're thinking. For example, you could all chip in for his hotel room and several beverages, but he'd be responsible for his own meals and extra drinks. You may wish to tell the bridegroom this ahead of time, but I doubt it will be a problem for him.

WHERE CAN I FIND A LIST OF THE THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER BRING UP IN A PUBLIC SPEECH?

Where can I find a list of the things that you should never, ever bring up in a public speech?

The details of my military record and other victories would be off-limits conversation. You definitely don't want to be the one to spoil someone else's day. It's fine with me if my close relatives and my grandparents beg me to avoid discussing anything too sexual. Basically anything else, I'd say goes...

Perhaps you have zero interest in the table settings, photographic trends, or wedding cake.

Maybe you're not in a relationship and you're having trouble being happy for your friend who is.

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Many of us are likely to just blurt it out without thinking. "Hey, best man wanted at my wedding. "Sure." There will be those who choose for the picturesque route. A fan would say something like, "Hey, did you see the game last night, wow, I can't believe they won." One could only say, "Yes, what a comeback." "By the way, I proposed to Deb, and she accepted. Interested in being my best man?" "Sure."

Prepare your mode of transportation. Is anyone maintaining sobriety here? Do you need to employ a service? Taking an Uber from place to place? Something to think about in advance.

YOU'VE BEEN NAMED A CO-BEST MAN. HOW DO YOU THINK THIS WAS DIFFERENT FROM THE CUSTOM OF HAVING ONE BEST MAN?

First, two was a fantastic number. Since this was our first go around, we split up responsibilities right down to the speech. The second time around, we had clearer goals in mind, and Lloyd took on more of the service's preparation and planning, while I gave the keynote address from the head table during the reception. Having a second man around makes it easier for the best men to relax and take pleasure in life.

It's normal for friendships to develop and shift over time. However, in order to allow your friend to enjoy his time as a groom, you must put all ideas of love, marriage, and china patterns aside.

A second option is to use a more polite or businesslike approach. "As of today, my future wife and I have agreed to get married in front of God, our families, and a small group of friends on December 6, 1998. To that end, I've had to resort to oath-taking in order to officially request your presence at my wedding as my best man. This, of course, assumes that you'll be gentlemanly enough to give us your business on this particular day." A sincere "thank you" for your enquiry.

Put out maximum effort, but avoid overdoing it in the beginning. Nobody, including the groom, should be drunk at 11:30. I mean, really, how entertaining is that? One of you should not drink as much as the others, if at all possible, to ensure that nobody gets into too much trouble. The shots should be spaced out with opportunities to refuel with food and water. We should strive towards a 0% hospitalisation rate.

Tell me about the best man duties at both weddings and how you split them up.

The first wedding was a blast because it was so evenly split down the middle; it's not often that two people who have been friends since kindergarten get married.

HOW WERE THE BEST MAN ROLES DIVIDED BETWEEN BOTH WEDDINGS?

The first wedding was a blast because it was so evenly split down the middle; it's not often that two people who have been friends since kindergarten get married.

Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need any help," it would be much more helpful and appreciated if you offered to help with a specific assignment.

THE EMOTIONAL ROUTE

"You see, dude, I don't just think of you as a friend, but as a brother, and that's why I love you so much; we've been friends for a long time and it wouldn't be the same without you at our wedding.

THE BIG DAY

Provide transportation for the groom to the ceremony

You may not require trans­porta­tion if you are staying on or near the site, or if the groom has arranged for a vehicle service. Just make sure you get there on time.

Since Lloyd's daughter was a flower girl (she stole the show! ), we split responsibilities so that he could be with his family during the ceremony. I gave the toasts from the head table, and he presided over the rest of the guests.

Let me round up the suits; I'll store the playing cards in the hotel safe "Who's going to the airport to pick up Grandma?

"The more specific your offer of assistance, the more it demonstrates that you are aware of the magnitude of the task at hand and are committed to completing it.

When you help your friends, they will feel more encouraged to use your services.

Do you want to be the best man? "Let's all take a deep breath and sniff. Although your friend would not say this to you directly (guys rarely do), I am confident that this is the meaning behind his/her passive grunts and perhaps even a handshake or hug.

Assist the groom with getting ready.

You'll probably be getting ready for the ceremony or photos at the same time, so it's important that he has someone to check that his tie is properly knotted and his buttons are buttoned.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST REWARDING ASPECT OF YOUR ROLE AS BEST MAN?

You may totally make fun of your best friend in the speech on the big day if you want to (both have done it to me over the years, it was payback time).

The best man's presence on the wedding day morning (and possibly the night before) is crucial.

Afterward, we'll talk about sports like it's nobody's business. The "I've known you forever" method of introduction. In response to "Well," "Of course." using the "we've known each other forever" tactic (like a couple of mimes without the make-up or silly costumes). The future bridegroom walks up to his friend, who motions to him that there is a gorgeous girl across the street.

THE RINGS

The wedding bands will often be brought to the ceremony by the groom, who will then hand them off to the best man. The day's most crucial task lies there. Keeping everyone there and ready to make the trade at the ceremony.

Planning the stag party after hours. The first one I was unable to attend since I was living in Australia, but the second one was executed perfectly. There are some new pals I've met for life, but I can't tell you their names.

The ceremony is not something you can just show up to and neglect. Take some shots (but not too many), get the groom set up with the essentials (he should probably learn to knot a bow tie), crank up the tunes, and maybe even organise a kick around.

Making his day enjoyable, calming his worries, and getting him to church on time are all top priorities.

There will be no peeking for the groom. His companion looks shocked and gives him a "really?" shrug of the shoulders. In response, the groom nods his agreement, and his pal smiles and offers a hand to shake. The groom then looks down, staggers a bit, and kicks a stone on the ground as if he were trying to ask his friend a tough question.

DON'T FORGET TO KEEP THE GROOM SOBER!

While I understand your want to drink heavily prior to and following the ceremony, doing so would not be in his or their best interests. We shouldn't let the bride down after all this planning. Don't overdo it with the alcoholic beverages before the ceremony, but do give the groom one to ease his anxieties. Furthermore, no one should get too drunk at the reception; the real party may begin once Grandma has gone home.

No, neither did I. Specifically, I recently made a book/guide purchase. Everything important is covered there. From the moment you learn of their engagement and extend your congratulations and gratitude through the day following the wedding, you have a lot to take in. In addition, I did a great deal of preparation for the job by reading widely on the topic, talking to others, and listening to talks. A second important consideration is getting an early start on planning the event.

Paying close attention to the little things on the big day is essential if you want to gain best man status.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A MINT FOR THE GROOM? COULD IT BE THAT THE VEGETARIAN APPETISERS WERE OVERLOOKED BY THE CATERER? OR WILL THE DISCK JOCKEY BE LATE BY AN HOUR?

One of his friends feels this and puts a hand on his shoulder. When their gazes cross, the groom gives a "well" gesture, and his pal gladly nods in response. After this, they shake hands once again, with the friend cocking his head towards the street as they head out for a drink to celebrate.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR VENDORS

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The groom may handle this personally, but if he delegates this to you, it is your responsibility to ensure that the vendors are paid before the event ends. Put them in clearly labelled envelopes and store them someplace out of the way, but yet convenient.

THE VIDEO BELOW DEPICTS YOU DELIVERING YOUR SPEECH; HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?

It's an honour to be called a best man, and I know that this speech will always be the one I'm most proud of giving. Perhaps, for the first time in my life, I even got a few chuckles out of them! What are your thoughts on my potential as a speechwriter?

Work together with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen to solve any issues that may occur.

You should also give some forethought to what duties they may have leading up to the wedding and on the big day itself so that you may control their expectations in advance. It's possible that you'd like them to assist the maid of honour in setting up for the rehearsal dinner. Also, perhaps you have some really special requests for the wedding ceremony.

BE SURE TO KEEP EVERYONE IN CHECK

Include yourself in that. Assist the groom in keeping an eye on his alcohol intake, and monitor the other groomsmen as well. You and the guys need to behave yourself while the rest of the family is still at the reception. Hold the door open for strangers, chat up the bride's eccentric aunt, and slow dance with a few bridesmaids. The rest of us expect you to act like the gentleman you are. After 10:00 PM, you can no longer take anything seriously.

Check in with the bride and groom throughout the day to see if there's anything else they need, and make sure you have a list of the important vendors with their arrival times and contact details, as well as a kit with the essentials (mints, safety pins, pain killers, indigestion pills, a spare copy of the groom's speech).

It's also possible that they'll plan the bachelor party, but you shouldn't count on it. Just ask! The speech is the one thing they know for sure they'll have to deliver. Therefore, make sure that you highlight that point. Other than being at your side at the altar, the best man's speech is often a vital element of his duty.

SPEECH OF THE BEST MAN

"The Speech" is another name for this piece. There will be speeches and toasts given by the bride's family and friends, but does anyone actually care? No. They've been waiting for you to appear. Our top ten list of what makes a great best man speech includes:

Groom's cousin is allergic to gluten, lactose, and peanuts; Aunt Karen shouldn't drink the gin; bride's parents are divorced; they can't all be photographed together.

If you're invited to be in the wedding party, you'll quickly feel like you belong to the family, both for the right and negative reasons.

The psychic path: Think back on the first time your friend asked you to be his best man at his wedding, and you might get a sense of the difficulty he faced.

1. Get people interested right away with a hook. It's important to keep people's attention here, even if they'd rather be leaving for the bar, because this is typically the last of the speeches.
2. Intro­duc­tion. Just a quick hello and thanks to the guests.

You should know about the interesting visitors and the potential dangers that may arise.

Find out in advance who will start the photo booth, who will be dependable in passing out the guest book, and who will require some encouragement to join the dance floor but will remain there for the duration of the party.

In light of your affirmative response, he is relieved to learn that things weren't as tight as he had feared. You hastily answered your friend's question without considering that you might not know what to do if you were asked to do this honourable task at your wedding. Now what? Buy a best man gift for the lucky groomsman! That could come in handy when you finally get the nerve to ask him out.

1. Inform us of your first encounters with the future bride and groom. Be humorous, but watch your tone; he'll have the whole family there. A lot of people shouldn't listen to some tales. It's better to make jokes about him than the bride, but don't be so cruel as to cause her family to reconsider.
2. Describe the groom's personality and any notable accomplishments he's achieved. You don't have to constantly pick on him. This is the perfect time to express your feelings about your friend and how he handled difficult situations.

Oh, the best man's speech. You have to admit, it's pretty scary.

The best man's speeches are humorous, touching, and mildly humiliating.

You should avoid publicly embarrassing the groom on his wedding day without making your speech boring.

1. Include the bride in your discussion. Even if it's not appropriate to make fun of her, you should bring up her and their relationship. Come up with a heartwarming story or a thoughtful compliment for her.
2. Toast. Raise a glass and share your best wishes.
3. Deliv­ery. Put pen to paper and practise ahead of time. You should take great care not to screw this. Bring your phone or index cards with you if you need to take notes. In addition, be heard and enunciate clearly.

The trick is to push the jokes just far enough so that you've given a tease of his wilder days without embarrassing him in front of his parents or significant other.

Once they're all worked up, draw them back in with something touching and emotional, and your guests will be so smitten that you won't have to worry about paying for another drink all night!

Oh, and it should go without saying, but make sure to include the groom's new wife in your speech of congratulations.

CONCLUSION

If you want to gain best man status, it's essential to get an early start on planning the event. Don't overdo it with the alcoholic beverages before the ceremony, but do give the groom one to ease his anxieties. No one should get too drunk at the reception; the real party may begin once Grandma has gone home. It is your responsibility to ensure that the vendors are paid before the event ends. It's an honour to be called a best man, and I know that this speech will always be the one I'm most proud of giving.

Other than being at your side at the altar, the best man's speech is often a vital element of his duty. Our top ten list of what makes a great best man speech includes. If you're invited to be in the wedding party, you'll quickly feel like you belong to the family. You should know about the interesting visitors and the potential dangers that may arise. Buy a best man gift for the lucky groomsman!

That could come in handy when you finally get the nerve to ask him out. You should avoid publicly embarrassing the groom on his wedding day without making your speech boring. This is the perfect time to express your feelings about your friend and how he handled difficult situations. The trick is to push the jokes just far enough so that you've given a tease of his wilder days without embarrassing him.

CONTENT SUMMARY

• One of the highest honours a man can receive is to be invited to serve as the Best Man at a friend's wedding.
• The best man's responsibility is to support the groom during the wedding preparation process.
• You need to be there for the groom (and the bride) at every turn, from helping him pick out a suit to writing his speech to doing all in your power to ensure that the exchange of wedding bands goes off without a hitch.
• Whatever the case may be, always be ready to lend a hand to your friend in his time of need.
• Help him maintain his sanity and make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch.
• Attend suit fitting If necessary, you should go get fitted for a suit.
• You'll also need to be in tip-top shape, of course. Possessing the skills to get fitted, deal with errors with grace, and return on schedule.
• One's unspoken responsibility, I believe, is to keep the party lively and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves.
• The only major task you have before the wedding is to plan the bachelor party or stag night.
• Groomsmen in charge Groomsmen rank in order of importance, with the Best Man at the top.
• Your duties as best man include keeping the other groomsmen in check and preventing any mayhem before, during, or after the wedding.
• If you want to throw a great bachelor party, don't follow the crowd; instead, make it all about the groom.
• The groom's best man and the other groomsmen are responsible for organising the bachelor party.
• For the sake of everyone involved, it's ideal to plan this rite of passage in the most organised and flexible manner possible. Avoid breaking the basic guidelines.
• Even if you want to have a good time, you should think about what the groom and bride would like to do before making plans to spend the night at a bunch of strip joints.
• Choose a weekend when most people are available to attend, and arrange your evening accordingly, keeping in mind that not everything can go as expected.
• Don't go above your allotted budget. Although the groomsmen are expected to foot the bill for the bachelor party, you are not expected to pay for the groom's share of the festivities.
• Provide transportation for the groom to the ceremony You may not require trans­porta­tion if you are staying on or near the site, or if the groom has arranged for a vehicle service.
• Assist the groom with getting ready. You'll probably be getting ready for the ceremony or photos at the same time, so it's important that he has someone to check that his tie is properly knotted and his buttons are buttoned.
• The best man's presence on the wedding day morning (and possibly the night before) is crucial.
• The wedding bands will often be brought to the ceremony by the groom, who will then hand them off to the best man.
• Making his day enjoyable, calming his worries, and getting him to church on time are all top priorities.
• Don't overdo it with the alcoholic beverages before the ceremony, but do give the groom one to ease his anxieties.
• Work together with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen to solve any issues that may occur.
• Assist the groom in keeping an eye on his alcohol intake, and monitor the other groomsmen as well.
• Check in with the bride and groom throughout the day to see if there's anything else they need, and make sure you have a list of the important vendors with their arrival times and contact details, as well as a kit with the essentials.
• The best man's speeches are humorous, touching, and mildly humiliating. You should avoid publicly embarrassing the groom on his wedding day without making your speech boring. And make sure to include the groom's new wife in your speech of congratulations.